pillow

i do not know how much of me i am
when my heart is a limb
and that gentle homeless man says
your eyes are like his lamb

my friends sink into my heart and my head
my guts can’t tell the difference between me and them
i try to tell them what they mean
vocalisms reaching another dead end

please, lordty.
do not placate me
it once meant love
so what is this?

truth is tender in hindsight
to choose what it means is the hardest part
to choose to be chosen
in the eye of your loves

i am that so i am
love a word void tea
please do not mess with me
or maybe
won’t you go out with me

in comprehension
the intolerable garden
the quaking haven
the snaking one
the beginner’s dance

listen. i don’t get it at all except for when i do.
but there’s got to be a place to breathe
grant me the wherewithal to forgo
the myopic dream

if god means you
that strange loop
that in me
then wouldn’t you want to fall in love properly?

this dance was never about destiny
it was about finding the word release

i am stubborn
i am your grief
i am honeydew suckling
i am the last dinosaur who became a tree
i am patience anymore
i am my father who put his faith in me
i am the loser of myself
i am my <mother> who grants reprieve
i am my best friend’s grace
i am my own mystery
i am my grandfather on his deathbed trying to get through to you
i am who ensures
i am only stronger than i believe
i am my grandmother’s wavering, steadfast in all the ways that she cannot see
i am fear of bankrupt love
i am struck
i am just another nulled dove
i am faith in uncertainty
i am undone
i am quivering humility
i am a double entendre’s son
i am pride prolonged and elated
i am crowned bent and beating
i am coaxed and coaxing
i am created
i am depleted
i am scouring
i am cowardice mirroring
i am awakened dreaming
i am unrequited
i am unforgotten
i am awake now
i am sleeping