perfect thunder
you took the wind out of my sails
and i blamed you
like i blamed the wind
for the gods who thundered
without reason
to ‘scape the two horned goat
i projected onto you
provisionally
to forget who i am
not for, but struck
from the record
as i found a drift
yet another larger part of me
incomprehensible
probing and picking the scattered
dye and dust
grasping and teething
when a question was all you were needing:
“what do you mean?”
ask me please
“what do you mean?”
i need you to name what you need,
“and i need you to ask me what i mean.”
what vicious circle
what catastrophe
my words didn’t land in you
nor yours in me
and i’m disappointed you didn’t ask
and i know i disappointed you too
but that is not what i mean
with no one to forgive
blameless misgiving
but did you know
to be unforgivable in love
is the safest place there could be
“wait. what do you mean”
that in Love, there is no need. it is my premise, it is chump change, it is the lesson, you are forgiven, not now, but from the beginning, which is my ending, and my promise.
“- ok”
i trusted you to find the word in mine
but i let me down
you kicked me above my pedestal
our expectations overbearing
by the weight of time in each other
you’re not in trouble for trusting
and i’m sorry i hurt you
“no need.”
sometimes a doctor needs
your faith without your feeling
medicine can be bitter
but it can also be made up
of the sound of the light of the rain
“i love your way, in lightning”
you are enough as you are
to me you are as the thunder
ever rumbling perfectly
i am as i am
so thank you for witnessing
my way of a kneeling